What is a Mother's Love? 5
Chapter 3
The Reason Why You Cannot Follow Parenting Books
What image of childrearing did you have before you bore a baby? Did you really feel that all other children were adorable? Seeing very wayward young children cry and disturb others around them when you were still single, you might have thought,“Oh, their mother is a not good mother. I’m sure that I could discipline them better if I were their mother.”
We cannot say whether we can discipline children well or not until we take care of children in reality. You might find that you cannot discipline them well, although you had thought you were capable of it. Someone who works as a child-care giver might find that she cannot bring up her own children well, even though she believed she could. In contrast, someone who does not love children at all might find herself able to discipline her own children very well. What makes this difference?
Mothers are deprived of their freedom by their children because they are responsible for them for a long time, twenty-four hours a day for twenty years. This situation continues even when mothers are sleeping. Mothers are deeply affected by this, even physiologically. On top of that, children absolutely need their mothers. The relationship between mothers and children is very tight, and this causes strong love, but at the same time, causes strong anger. It is because both love and anger come from the same domain; emotion. In conclusion, even if someone can discipline your children better than you do, that does not mean that he/she is superior to you. The truth is, he/she has less love than you for your children, and therefore he/she can deal with your children with composure.
There is another reason why we cannot discipline our children ideally. Our emotions are swayed by our Beliefs which are hidden inside of our minds. These Beliefs were formed in our childhood to help us survive, and some of them were made without our consensus. We will feel strong anger when our children do something in a different way than we did in our childhood. For example, you gave up being cuddled by your mother in your childhood, and your child insists that you cuddle him/her by crying for that alone. When this happens, you will feel strong anger at your child. You want to say in your mind:
“Give up crying to be cuddled, like I did!” “I was not treated so gently by my mother. Why do I have to treat my child better than how I was treated?!”
Because mothers are very bound to their children, mothers are likely affected by these Beliefs. That is why they sometimes have trouble following parenting books.
This program; Fractal Psychology Parenting Course for Mothers focuses on releasing your Belief and healing your emotions, and then allows you to rear your children without great effort. The goal is to reduce your frustration level to half of your current one. When you change yourself, your children will change for the better automatically.
