What is a Mother's Love? 9
Chapter 7
The Relationship Between You and Your Mother is the Key
The reason why you become emotional in childrearing, and the reason why you cannot follow the instructions of books, is because of the Beliefs and Decisions in your childhood. This also implies that if you can change your Beliefs flexibly, the probability that you will become emotional will be reduced by more than half, and you will be able to enjoy childrearing.
If you review your Beliefs about your mother, heal your Child Mind well, and change how to perceive your Beliefs, your childrearing will change astonishingly. Not only for childrearing, but for the relationships with others (e.g. parents-in-law, your husband, other mothers), this process will reduce your stress by more than half.
Go back to Yukiko in scene 1 from chapter 4. Although Yukiko’s mother is not in scene 1, she still has great influence on Yukiko’s Beliefs and Decisions. At the time of the scene, Yukiko is twenty-seven years old, and Yukiko’s mother is fifty-two years old. When Yukiko’s mother was twenty-five years old, she gave birth to Yukiko. When Yukiko was a little baby, her mind was very small. Thus, she misconceived that her mother should have perfectly and immediately cared for her. However, you will find that Yukiko's mother at that time was not very different from the present Yukiko. No one can be a super mother, nor a professional mother.
If you think about this logically, then it is quite obvious that there are no super or professional mothers. However, our minds cannot accept this easily when we think of it as our own issue. This is because we use our Child Minds automatically whenever we think about our mothers. So, we need to switch our Child Minds consciously to our Adult Minds. (e.g. Maybe someone who lives now in California suddenly begins to speak with a New York accent while speaking with her mother on the phone. She lived in New York in her childhood. Whenever we focus on someone or something we learned in our childhood, we use our Child Minds.)
In scene 2, the impatience of Yuhta is similar to impatience of Yukiko in scene 1. Because they are in parent-child relationship, this is natural. However, adult Yukiko believes she is an adult, so she fails to recognize her Child Mind and misunderstood past situations with her mother. She will say, "I was a good child who could wait, but my child cannot," and "I waited as Mother requested, but Mother vented her own irritation on me and yelled at me!"
I assume you, as readers, can recognize that Yukiko’s perception is obviously wrong. If her perception was correct, then there would be no doubt that she would be able to wait for her husband to become relaxed, now that she is an adult. Like Yukiko, you also may have misunderstood many past situations with your mother. In our childhood, our minds had a small capacity and we mistook many things. Thus, we created Beliefs such as, "My mother yelled at me without any reason!" and developed a deep and secret grudge. Although we loved our mothers in our childhood, and still love them, we still harbor this deep grudge in our minds.
